I used to be skinny. Or skinnier.
I remember my dad always teasing me saying that if the wind blew that it might just blow me over.
Tonight on TV I seen a preview for a new show called Heavy, about obese people getting into shape, taking control of their lives.
I almost started to cry.
Tim said to me "I guess some of it is my fault" "Do you remember when I would have to beg you to eat, practically force you". I never starved myself or had a eating disorder, I just ate normally, and didn't like eating in front of Tim or his family in the beginning of our relationship.
I told him that I definitely don't remember anyone EVER having to force me to eat!
In fact I am pretty sure I am addicted to food.
I am not really sure how I got to where I am today. I mean it could be that I had 3 kids so close in age. The longest I went after I had a baby before I got pregnant again was 11 months.
It could be all the soda and junk food I eat
Or it could be that I developed into what I believe as an emotional eater. I eat when I am bored, I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am angry. I just feel the need to always eat.
I am not big on New Year's resolutions. But I think this is the year to make some changes. I have never really discussed my weight issues, really with anyone. Tim is the only one who really knows that my weight upsets me.
If I continue on the path that I am on things are only going to get worse. I am the only one who can help myself. Because honestly I am not happy with myself, with my body image.
I have to do this for myself and for my children. They deserve a mom they can look up to, they deserve a mom who can be active physically in their life. I am tired of sitting on the sidelines.
This is not going to be easy, but it's necessary.
My goals will be to lay off the soda, and drink more water.
Make more home cooked meals, then there will be less of a need to eat out.
And be more active everyday.
I think that this will be a good start for me. I am not going to put too much pressure on myself, but I am going to do this!
Because if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy!