Thursday, September 9, 2010

Just Trying To Hold On

I am not really even sure how we are doing. I am just still so confused. How is up until Monday Taylor and I had a great nursing relationship. I thought things were perfect, and now today 3 days later I can't get her to eat for nothing. Ever since we went to the doctor and found out Taylor is loosing weight and that she wanted me to start supplementing her with formula, things went south.

Sometimes I wonder if it's partly in my head. You know like I am getting so worked up and upset that I am stressing myself out, and thus why she is not eating. It's some kind a vicious cycle that I just cannot stop. I have done nothing but cry the past 2 days over this.

The very last thing I want to do is end our nursing relationship and put her on formula. But I also do not want her to loose more weight, get dehydrated, or starve. I have started the Fenugreek pills, I have been taking 4 of them 3 times a day and I have seen no improvement in my supply. I have also stopped drinking soda and I am just drinking water. I haven't had a soda in 2 days! Nothing, I haven't really seen any increase in my supply.

Last night after a long day of her not really eating, after one of her nursing sessions I decided to give her a little formula just to make sure she was not getting dehydrated. She wouldn't take it. I don't know if she didn't like the bottle or the formula. Or maybe it was both. I find that if she nurses on one side for about 7-10 minutes, and the other for about 5-7 minutes she seems satisfied.

It's getting her to nurse for that long. I up until this point have always nursed her on just one side. But now I am trying to do both sides in one sitting. Letting her empty one breast and then offering the other just to make sure she is getting enough. This works...most of the time.

I am finding now that she doesn't want to wait for the let down. She will suck a few times and if nothing comes forget it. It's the end of the world and it's hard to bring her back. Sometimes she will fuss, tug on my nipple, and pull of and cry. I am pretty sure she is teething. This could be the cause for all this, I just don't know. She also got shots on Tuesday and then yesterday I noticed she was running a little fever. This could be some of the problem too.

I just have no clue what to do. I still just don't understand how she goes from eating fine to not eating in a matter of hours. I finally got my hands on a pump today to try and help with my supply and if nothing else to be able to pump my milk to give her instead of formula. It has been hell today. When we got home from getting the pump, I only pumped an ounce, she ate that. Then the next time nothing.

This is just crazy to me since with Mason I could pump at least 12 ounces in a single sitting. I got rid of thousands of ounces of milk when he weaned at 14 months old. I know that the pump in not a way to measure your supply, but I am stumped as to how I am suppose to feed her if she won't nurse and I can't pump anything to feed her. I have found that if I pump until my let down and then latch her on she will eat. But she will only nurse on the right side first and will only nurse on the left side if it's the second side I offer.

I don't mind pumping until the let down, but then I will never be able to leave the house. That just wouldn't work. I am hoping that maybe a bug, or teething is to blame and she will slowly start going back to normal. I hope! I pray! I guess if nothing else will work I will have to give her formula. The most important thing is that she is healthy and happy.

I would really appreciate any thoughts, suggestions, advice, words of encouragement. I am a little depressed and at a loss as far as what to do.

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