Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Cleaning Out The Closet

There is a lot I remember about that day. It's not a good memory.

It was last year in May, I believe? I think so, but the date is not really important, it's what happened that day.

It was still morning, we had just finished breakfast, and I was getting ready to clean the dishes up. But I got side tracked when I realized the dog had went to the bathroom in the house, again. I was at the point where I was becoming SO frustrated with the dog going to the bathroom in the house. I couldn't keep up with the kids, housework, and the dog. I was overwhelmed.

So I went to reprimand the dog for going to the bathroom in the house. I guess Tim thought I was being too rough and he threw an empty milk jug at me from the kitchen. We exchanged some words, and then I remember he came at me, and punched me in the leg. Spouting something along the lines of hitting me like I was hitting the dog.

Now mind you, he didn't even hit me hard enough to leave a mark, but still he hit me.

I was dumb founded. I began to go into hysterics. I knew he immediately felt bad, and I felt bad for disciplining the dog.

But I was fueled by hurt and anger, and I ran for the phone. I called 911.

And the minute I called them I knew, I really probably shouldn't have. I wasn't in danger, my life wasn't being threatened. But I think it was more because I was angry about the whole situation, and I was thinking "I'll show him".

While yes, he should have never hit me for ANY reason, and he knows that. I really didn't need to call for help.

But it was already done. The lady on the other end was concerned, I was still crying, and muttered something about Tim hitting me. She asked me a bunch of questions, Does he have any weapons, what were we fighting about, are the kids OK, and every 5 seconds asking me where Tim was at in the house.

He was on the couch, never got off the couch. He was upset that I disciplined the dog, upset that he let his anger get out of control and hit me, upset that now the cops were going to be involved.

The 911 operator stayed on the phone with me until I said the cops were there. They came in asked if I was OK, I told them what happened. They asked Tim what happened, he admitted that he let his emotions get out of control and he did in fact hit me on the leg.

I knew then that they would take him. They informed us that under the law, that if they are called out for domestic violence and he did in fact put his hand on me that they have to take him to jail. He would have to stay there for 12 hours. Mandatory 12 hours.

I was devastated that I did this.

He put his shoes on. They allowed him to not be handcuffed in the house as to not upset the kids, but instead they took him outside by the cop car. And just like that Tim was being handcuffed and put into a police car for domestic violence. Like a criminal. It felt like a scene out of the show Cops. Not something that was suppose to happen to our family.

I was in tears again. The boys sat at the living room window, confused. They kept asking me if daddy was going to work. The police officer brought in some stuff animals to distract them.

We went over some paperwork. They asked me if I would like to press charges, of course I declined.

And just like that, they were gone, HE was gone.

I called my mom. She came over to stay with me for a few hours. I needed that support. I needed to know if I had done the right thing, or not.

12 hours later, at 11 o'clock at night, I packed the kids in the car and went to pick Tim up at the jail.

That night I think we had a very good conversation, about our relationship and what happened earlier that morning.

While Tim has never EVER laid a hand on me since then, or even before that day. It was important that he understood why I called the cops that day. It was important that he understood it was not OK, and that I would not put up with it.

I still feel guilty today about the events of that morning. I feel bad that I spanked the dog, I feel bad that I did call the cops and put Tim through that. But at the same time I feel I did what was right, and what happened is exactly what needed to happen.

Today our relationship is like any other relationship I would imagine. We have our ups and downs. He gets on my nerves more than I would like. But we have been together for almost 10 years, we have been through a lot together. Most importantly we have 3 beautiful children together, and what we do is for them. I love him.

And while many people believe the saying "once an abuser always an abuser", I don't necessarily think so. I think Tim has changed and grown from that incident. I think he has learned how to control his anger and emotions, because lets face it we all get angry at our other halves it's how we handle that anger.
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Whew! I feel better getting that out. How about you, do you need to air some dirty laundry? Need to get some things off your chest? If so come join us over at FTLOB for Cleaning Out The Closet!
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Happy Wednesday friends, and thanks for listening and supporting me!

5 comments:

Corinne said...

So glad you had a chance to get it out, it must be a relief to type it out and hit publish :) Relationships are so, so hard. And making sure that you're heard, sometimes you can only do what you feel is necessary at that moment. And that is more than ok.
Hugs to you.

My Life As MuhMuh said...

It's one of those things that you HAD to do. All too often it starts with something small. But what you did was right, and you guys have grown from the incident and are much stronger for it now.

:) Glad you were able to get that out!

Nicoolmama said...

Thanks for sharing that with us, it could not have been easy to press Publish.

The most important thing is you both learned from it and are have made changes to go forward in a more positive way! Good for you two!

PS loved the pictures of Miss Taylor standing up last post..

Ashley said...

Wow Nicole, thanks for being so honest and sharing this story. I think you did the right thing by letting your hubby know that you value yourself enough to not ever let anyone hurt you. You are a strong woman! xo

Ross said...

Thanks for being so honest! I have had some very rough times in my 13 yrs of marriage as do most married couples. The thing that's nice to look back at is that we can grow and learn from those trials. Great site!

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